10 Common Marriage Reconciliation Mistakes to Avoid After Infidelity [Accurate]
Evelyn Skye
Updated Apr 28, 2024
Have you encountered an extramarital affair with your spouse being unfaithful to you? We understand how significant an emotional wound it might have left in you. But are you going towards reconciling with your partner?
Are you able to trust them again? How will you prevent such an incident from occurring again? If you are confused and don’t know how to proceed, then follow this guide.
We have highlighted the 10 common marriage reconciliation mistakes to avoid after infidelity.
Marriage reconciliation is vital, especially after a significant incident involving infidelity. However, it is vital to manage the situation with a calm mind and avoid mistakes that could further hurt you and your already fragile relationship.
Here are the 10 common marriage reconciliation mistakes to avoid after infidelity.
It is better to acknowledge that the affair happened. Though you shouldn’t pry too much into the intimate details, you should talk about it and discuss the things that led to such an incident.
We understand how much hurt and resentment it leaves in its wake, but sweeping it under the rug is unhealthy.
If you go about discussing the affair without a calm mind and a plan in mind on how to deal with the aftermath, then it is likely that you will end up arguing and fighting each other. The marriage will have a future.
Understand the root cause of the affair; for the present, avoid putting the blame on the person who cheated on you. Regulate your emotions and start by listening to what they have to say, especially if you want things to work out.
As discussed before, it is important to remain calm. We know that emotions run high in moments like these, resulting in making rash decisions. However, if children are involved, ending the relationship or separation should be the last resort. Do not get hasty; behave like grown adults and talk things through.
It is vital for the person who cheated on their spouse to show a slight bit of empathy towards them. Understand how they are feeling about having their trust in their significant other broken. It takes time to heal, and one should show compassion through this phase.
The moment other people find out that your relationship is in trouble due to an affair, it becomes gossip, which you should avoid. Both you and your spouse are enough to deal with the situation. Moreover, why would you involve someone else who has zero stakes in your marriage or relationship?
Using social media to stalk your spouse’s affair partner is never a good idea; this can hint at the fact that you might never let bygones be bygones.
Couples counseling may allow you to explore the hidden things that led to your spouse having an affair. This is the only type of outside help that should be encouraged; that can heal the pain and help you come up with a plan for reconciliation after infidelity.
Though it is wise to remain calm in these situations, you should express your emotions regardless in a subtle manner. Expressing your pain and the betrayal you have felt will help the cheating spouse understand what you went through.
Understandably, you will feel paranoid all the time when your spouse doesn’t come home at their usual time or spends too much time outside. You might feel that they are cheating again.
It is where you should take a deep breath and not let that paranoia take over. This negative emotion will prevent you from forming a healthy relationship with your spouse/partner.
You might get so overwhelmed by the incident that you forget to take care of your well-being. Ensure you treat yourself, eat healthy, go out now and then with friends, and do daily exercise. All these activities will help you process your emotions in a healthy way.
Now that we have discussed the common mistakes that couples make once one of them commits adultery, what should you not do after infidelity?
Tell Your Family and Friend
The whole matter should remain between you and your spouse only. Both of you should be the ones to weather the storm, not someone else who has 0 stakes or responsibility in your relationship.
Get Paranoid
The mistake has been made; you have discussed things and decided on reconciliation. However, if you remain constantly paranoid and jealous whenever your spouse interacts with the opposite gender, then your relationship is doomed to fail.
So, it is advised to be calm and behave like a grownup. However, if something is bothering you, then directly talk it out with your spouse instead of making a scene.
Make Hasty Decisions
Infidelity is an act of betrayal and breaking trust, and understandably, emotions might run high, causing you to make rash decisions like going for a separation or filing for a divorce. These actions are ill-advised before you have talked about the affair with your spouse/partner.
Avoid Responsibility and Point the Blame on the Affair Partner
It is never a good idea to shift the blame for your wrongdoing to someone else. Though the affair partner is equally responsible, you should not try to act all innocent.
Take responsibility for your actions!
Relying On Yourself Too Much
Cheating can cause heartbreak, and it is tough to get out of the situation unscathed. You can rely on yourself solely to deal with it all. Seek therapy, talk things through with people you trust, and let the healing begin.
Setting boundaries after infidelity should be a fundamental aspect of marriage reconciliation.
The part of a complete discussion among spouses after finding out that one of them committed infidelity is to stop any sort of contact with the affair partner. They should voluntarily shut that door.
Once that is out of the way, it is vital to plan a physical separation. The affected spouse shouldn’t and probably wouldn’t want to commit to intercourse, foreplay, or any touching for a while.
It is vital for the spouse/partner who cheated to understand the trauma or hurt their significant other is going through, and giving them ample time to process their emotion is necessary.
However, the affected spouse should also let the cheater process the grief of losing their affair partner. The key is to understand that they had gotten physical and probably formed an emotional bond in the brief time of the affair, so help them deal with it by talking to each other or by seeking a trained therapist.
Marriage reconciliation can only begin when the person who cheated on you with someone else acknowledges their mistake. They should at least understand the hurt and pain they had caused to their significant other.
However, if the cheater refuses to sit at the table with you and doesn’t show any kind of remorse, then there is no point wasting your energy on a relationship that has failed(no fault of your own).
Start by discussing why it all happened. Most married couples do not like to face the truth or what reality may reveal, so they do not address it. You should talk things through, and even if the discussion gets loud or you end up fighting, it is ok.
At least both of you are acknowledging it and are willing to give the marriage a second chance.
Moreover, discuss the future of your relationship, things involving children, finances, health, insurance on various things, etc. In addition, the spouse who cheated should give their word to never contact the affair partner and, with time, stop thinking about them altogether.
It is tough to process the reality that your cheating spouse got intimate with someone else, even though they pledged to remain by your side through thick and thin at the wedding ceremony.
If you are uncomfortable and can not keep it out of your mind, affecting your health, then it is time to move on. You do not have any responsibility to forgive them!
Things get much easier to decide if the cheating spouse remains guilt-free and shows a lack of empathy after committing such a wicked act.
So you have decided to reconcile with your cheating spouse! Still, how can they ensure that they never cheat or find out that they have cheated again?
The answer is employing Spylix on their phone, a third-party phone tracker that monitors all activities on the target device in real time. You can get updates on its intuitive control panel, and the plus side is that you can install this app on the partner’s phone without them knowing.
The following features offered by Spylix will help you catch the spouse in the act if they ever commit infidelity.
GPS Tracker – Check their current location and the history of all visited places with timestamps using this feature.
Text Message Tracker – Find out who texts your spouse, especially at odd hours. Get additional information, such as their name, number, and picture.
Call Logs Tracker – Learn who called your spouse or who they called with timestamps. Find added details like the name, number, and picture of the caller.
Keylogger – Track all the keystrokes made on the target phone.
Social Media Spy – Monitor their activities on all social media platforms, including WhatsApp, Messenger, Snapchat, Skype, Instagram, Kik, LINE, Tinder, etc.
Spylix is simple to install. Just follow the guidelines here to learn the fastest method.
Step 1: Make A New And Free Account
Go to the Spylix website and create a new profile for free using a valid email address.
Step 2: Download and Install The Spy App
On your spouse’s Android device, install the Spylix app by following the instructions on the screen.
Step 3: Check Whether Your Partner Cheats on You Again on Android
Finally, launch the dashboard on a browser. Select the feature you want to monitor your spouse’s cheating affairs in real time.
Step 1: Make The Spylix Account
Access the Spylix website, and click the Sign Up Free button before providing your email address to set up an account for free.
Step 2: Enter The Spouse’s iCloud Credentials
Verify your spouse’s iOS device by sharing their iCloud account details.
Step 3: Check Whether Your Partner Cheats On You Again on iPhone
Now, open the control panel and click on any feature to monitor the cheating pattern.
Here is why Spylix should be the only choice to check if your spouse has cheated again!
Follow this FAQ section for more information on how to deal with infidelity!
If you are having trouble processing the betrayal and, especially if the cheating spouse shows a lack of any guilt, then it is time to walk away.
It depends on how you approach things. If the act is too much to handle, you can immediately separate from your spouse.
Reconciliation after an affair takes significant time talking to each other, understanding why it happened, and setting boundaries to prevent it from happening again.
It is not a good idea, as only pain and hurt can follow.
By being informed about the 10 common marriage reconciliation mistakes to avoid after infidelity, you can give your relationship a second chance.
However, if you can not unquestioningly trust your partner and fear they will cheat again, then you can secretly employ Spylix on their phone. With it, you will always be one step ahead and won’t be blindsided like before.
There is so much you can do with Spylix that there’s simply no way to fit them all into one short list. Here are some of the prominent features that our customers love the most!
